the big nasty is for real

This time I mean it

2006-05-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently this time she is not kidding. BN is leaving Mr. BN. Lucky bastard, he just got his get out of jail free card and doesn't even realize it. BN insists she had to get a new pink Razor phone to avoid her husband. She said he calls her non-stop on her old phone and she had to have her number changed. I wonder if she realizes her old phone could have gotten a new number. Anyways, she has had enough and has left, in words only. Seeing as they never lived together, I am not sure how the whole walking out thing went. How can you leave somewhere you never were? She has already been on a few dates. She wastes no time. She told me the day after they both agreed to divorce, Mr BN caught her somewhere with her boyfriend and that's when the change of heart occurred and the stalker like phone calls began. Look Mr BN, take your chance and run like the wind you damned fool!! The dinner date she went on was with another guy. She didn't eat any dinner, just got drunk. Talk about a bargain for that guy. Just get her all liquored up, fuck her and then tell her in the morning you bought her the lobster.

The roommate

2006-05-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

Lou Lou and my BIL have a temporary roommate. He is a nice guy and one of my BIL's closest friends. He is in town on and business and will only be staying there for about 6 weeks. Of all my BIL's friends, he has chosen not to try and point out Lou Lou's inconsistencies to her sickness and mental illness or her faults. None of my BIL's friends or their spouses like Lou Lou. Odd coincidence? Stan, the roommate, was talking to Ann the weekend after the CPS worker went and paid Lou Lou a visit. He said that Lou is the most selfish, conniving bitch he has ever met. He thinks she will run off again and leave BIL. He used to live with them for about 2 years before he moved off, so he has seen a lot. He hopes she takes her oldest daughter and leaves the baby with BIL and just disappears. She has pulled this stunt in the past. We all keep hoping she will do it again. In August her middle daughter goes back to her real father. When he and Lou Lou divorced she signed agreeing that 1 week before the daughter starts Kindergarten, she will return to her dad and he will have full and sole custody. We think this will trigger a episode and she will take the oldest child and leave. Lou Lou told Stan she wishes it could just be her and the oldest again. She was happy then. Don't let any of us stop you. Leave the baby, return the middle one early and get the hell on. He also told Ann as soon as she got there the baby needed a bath, she hadn't had one in awhile. He didn't say specifics, just it had been awhile. Ann said the house was a disaster. If CPS had just been to my house, with the possibility of coming back anytime un-announced, my house would be spotless. The girl is clueless.

I have not talked with Lou Lou since her hospital stay and CPS visit. I have thought of many things I want to say to her. I have always bit my tongue out of love and respect for my BIL, but I don't know if I can anymore. She is completely selfish, she cares for no one, her husband or her kids. I don't like this girl at all and don't think I could listen to anymore of her "Poor me, I'm so sick stories." I am just going to have to tell her, look bitch, I have three kids too and I work full time, and I keep my house clean and I cook meals and I take care of me and my husband. You are a worthless and lazy piece of shit. Aaaahhh, wouldn't that be nice. I know me, I'll just smile, listen and say nothing. But one day I will tell that bitch off.

Time flies...

2006-05-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

So it has been almost 2 full weeks since I have posted anything. My youngest son got the chicken pox. That was an interesting 7-8 days. He did really well. Not to much scratching, no scars. Neither of the other 2 children show any signs of a break out, thank goodness. The 16 yr old would just die, or so she says. BN was out for about a week and MM has been sick, so it has been crazy. But today starts a new week, and everyone is here today, so hello a little free time.

Do you ever look at a coworker and wonder if they looked in a mirror before they left home? How do you not see those huge ass flakes on top of your head? Hair parted right down the middle today, with flakes Tony the Tiger would be proud of. They're GRRREEEAATTT! I just want to shake her, but then the raging blizzard that would ensue would make working impossible.

Lou Lou had to take a drug test Tuesday, no news on the results. Ann picked up the baby yesterday on her way home from my house. Lou Lou was whining about having a really tough week. Um, let's see, you spent the past 2 weeks in bed "sick" watching TV. Yeah, honey, that's some hard times. Husband and roommate cooking, cleaning and tending to children while you are laid up. How does she do it?

On a funny note about me. I took some trash out to our dumpster this morning. Forgot to check the bottom lock, got locked out of the building. The bad part was I was in the back, inside the chain link/barb wire fence with all the gates pad locked shut. Nothing like having to bang on the bay doors for ten minutes to make you feel like the dumb ass you are. The guys in the warehouse only teased me a little. Nice guys - they feel sorry for me and my lack of common sense this morning.

Is this really the end?

2006-05-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

BN and Mr. BN are fighting again, shocking I know. Apparently he is tired of her crap, I don't know what took so long. He told her to shape up or ship out. So she told him she'd ship it right to her boyfriend's house, she didn't need him. I am not sure why these two are even married, they don't live together, she has a boyfriend and swears Mr. BN is a raging alcoholic, oh yeah baby, lets fight for this marriage and make it work. Whatever.

Also BN informs me this morning that she wore a shirt that she wouldn't have to worry about the girls escaping from. She is on the phone intercom describing it to me. She must not have looked in the mirror. She said it has a high V neck and covers her boobs. 1st time she comes down the hall, all I see is boobs. V neck my ass, that neck line is plunging down to her belly button. The only improvement this shirt has over yesterday's catastrophe is it has an elastic neck line with no buttons. Ofcourse by 10 a.m. the elastic was shot. Before the day is over I am pretty sure boobs will be flying out of that 3 sizes to small shirt as well.

Another thing she does that pisses me off - Everyday at 3 - 3:30 p.m. she puts on a lot of make-up. Why couldn't you have done this at 7:30 a.m. Why did we have to look at your tired eyed washed out shit all day? I just don't understand somethings. I look at her and it amazes me she has a husband and a boyfriend - she must give some amazing head is all I can think.

Plus size clothing PLEEEASE!!

2006-05-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

BN comes into my office first thing the morning, never a good thing for me on Monday. She starts telling me how she went shopping over the weekend and spent almost $300 on new clothes, thank you God, a lot of her outfits barely fit and cover her. The outfit she is wearing is one of the things she got over the weekend. The shirt is barely able to close at the top button which hits mid-breast. So as usual she is showing way to much cleavage for me and busting out of that damn blouse. About 30 minutes later she comes back to me asking for a safety pin so she can keep her blouse closed and buttoned. I don't carry safety pins, I buy my shit the right size the 1st effing time.
At lunch she pulls up in her car, almost hits the building because she is on her cell phone screaming at Mr. BN, and then locks her keys in her car! She brings in lunch, but everyone's drinks are now locked in the vehicle. She finally gets someone to break into it for her, comes into the lunchroom to eat. As she is sitting down her shirt button busts open and out pop the girls. Most of us were watching the news and missed it. However, MM who sits across from her at the lunch table got full frontal nudity. I have never seen anyone grab their goods so fast and make a hasty retreat. I think MM was a little pink faced over the incident as well. The other guys were disappointed they missed the free show, she maybe nasty, but most men will tell you - "Tits are tits!"

Eeeewwwww

2006-04-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at lunch we are all sitting in the break room eating when Cletus walks in. He goes over to the sink and starts washing out a bowl. This bowl has been sitting in the sink for two weeks now. The water in it was murky and the throw away spoon he left in it had a weird film on it. I don't think any of us would have noticed it had he not left the throw away spoon in there. Why wouldn't you just throw it out? We have a whole box of disposable spoons in the drawer. He gets out the toilet cleaner and squirts it in the bowl and proceeds to wash the bowl and throw away spoon. He must have missed the fact that washing dishes with clorox toilet cleaner is just disgusting. (He learned nothing from the coffee pot incident!) Why are you washing a disposable spoon, get a new one already. He then pours his soup into the "clean" bowl and microwaves it. Uses the throw away spoon that sat in murky water for 2 weeks to eat with. I just don't get it. How hard is it to clean your dish and not leave it fermenting in the sink for 2 weeks. And why in the hell would you save a disposable effing spoon?!? The company provides plastic bowls and utensils. He is just so disgusting and has no freaking clue. I guess between the bleach in the toilet cleaner and the heat from the microwave he killed any mold and fungus growing in there.

What do these people think...

2006-04-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe in all my Lou Lou drama I have neglected big nasty. Nothing major has really happened with her. She has not improved her work any, and her personal life has been rather dull, but her hair has been funny. Having suffered the haircut from hell myself a few weeks ago, I feel bad saying anything, but not bad enough to keep my mouth shut. So she comes to work after having her cousin and a friend cut and color her hair. Allegedly the cousin and friend work in a professional salon and have licenses, which should be revoked. She came in from having her hair colored on Sunday with 2 in roots. How do you not get down to the root? And it was chunky multi-colors. It was sad. That night she went home and colored it really dark, the next day red. So now we have a reddish/maroon hue. You can imagine the frizziness and damage that accompanies 3 colorings in 3 days. Atleast it has taken the attention off my still growing short haired disaster. I really have to get a camera in here and get some pictures!

Hmmmm......

2006-04-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

I have got to talk more with Ann about the nutball that is her daughter-in-law. We affectionately call her Lou Lou. Ann is upset because her son is mad at her. Ann was asking questions about Lou and BIL got all bent out of shape. He said he was tired of Ann making Lou out to be a bad person and talking down about her. He went on to say that Lou is not a bad person, she is just sick. He said that he has to deal with her everyday and talk to her everyday. He has to remind her to do this, or that, get out of bed, shower, straighten up, etc. He knew she was sick when he met her and married her. Ann asked if Lou got rid of all her extra pills, BIL said no, We did it together. Ann said I hope you got them all. That did not make BIL happy. He doesn't realize what Ann and I see when we go over there. We helped them move in July, I have never, ever seen so many pill bottles. You know that little cabinet above your stove and usually a small one above your fridge area, well Lou Lou had both of those filled with pill bottles. Stacked 2 high, from side to side and all the way back. Not all the bottles had her name on it. I was surprised to learn how many people bring her meds. Then Ann and I found a overnight/cosmetic type bag full of pill bottles. The chic is a walking pharmacy. Yet BIL, retarded ass monkey that he is, does not understand why his mother is worried about the safety and welfare of the baby. If you have to remind the woman to get out of bed and shower, how do you expect her to care for a baby. If you don't care for yourself, you usually don't care for anyone else.
Lou Lou called Ann and tried to talk to Ann about all this, but Ann just does not have the patience to listen and talk with this girl. Lou did say she wants to get better, and she wants to find a job. Ann and I have heard that bullshit so often we have to make an effort not to laugh in her face. She stays at home all day but she can't clean, cook or take care of the kids. If they have to go to the doctor BIL takes them. If they are acting bad, she calls him at work so he can talk to them. The girl is worthless. She has repeatedly told us she can't work because 1. she can't get up and get three kids ready and 2. she just can't handle having a full time or part time job, she is just to sick. I think the saddest thing, besides the kids, is that my BIL believes every thing that comes out of her mouth. Some days I don't know who I am more mad at, BIL or Lou Lou.

Crazy is on the loose

2006-04-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Believe or not they let Lou Lou out of the hospital Friday morning. So she stayed 2 full days and then they sent her home to her children. Ann had the baby and did not want to take her home so soon, but BIL insisted the baby come home Sunday because he was missing her. Ann had the baby 9 days before the overdose. So little Kay was only home 1 day before Grandma had to come back and get her for anther week, atleast her dad misses her.
Lou Lou called Ann Sunday morning and asked if the baby could stay a couple more days. Ann said you need to check with your husband because he was real adamant that the baby come home today. Lou Lou talked BIL into letting the baby stay, but Ann could not find anyone to watch her, so she told Lou that they would have to some get the baby. It really made Ann sad that she had to take her back home. Lou was about an hour late meeting Ann and the baby would not go to her. She just clung to Ann and cried. So Ann just put her in her carseat and left. I can't imagine my kids being away for two weeks and not being happy to see me and not coming to me. Kay had gotten sick on Friday and Ann took her to the doctor. She had 2 ear infections and a soar throat. So Ann explained to Lou what medicines the baby was on, the doses and when to give it to her. BIL had to call back Sunday night and ask Ann what the medicine was and the dose. What a sorry set of parents, read the damn labels idiots. Plus your wife was already given all the instructions. So Lou Lou is back at home alone with all 3 kids today. BIL says he is not worried, Lou would never hurt the kids. What a retarded ass monkey. I really hope children's services looks into these cases, stay to home mom overdoses. Surely she will be investigated.

Is this the last straw?

2006-04-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

In my week of blog neglect, I have had some pretty exciting things happen in my family. Actually my husbands family, but hey, drama is drama. So my MIL Ann came to visit over the Easter weekend and had Lou Lou's baby. (She actually had her since the previous Friday) This was baby Kay's 1st Easter. To no one's surprise, Lou Lou let her stay with us, she is so mother of the year material. When Ann took Kay home on Sunday we joked that she would have the baby again by Wednesday. (which would be Kay's 1st birthday) Well, Ann calls me Tuesday night and tells me she is on her way to get the baby. BIL had called her and asked her to get her, Lou Lou was in the hospital from taking to many pills. I don't mean to be cruel and uncaring, but the worthless bitch did it for attention.
Tuesday afternoon Lou Lou starts taking pills. She then gets on the phone and calls 2 of her friends. She tells them that she has taken a lot of pills and thinks she might have taken to many. One of the friends freaks out and calls 911. In the meantime Lou Lou comes out of the bedroom and into the livingroom where BIL is with a friend.(previous roommate that is in town for 6 weeks and going to reside there again temporarily.) BIL takes one look at her and says, what's wrong, you look like something isn't right. What have you done? Lou Lou insists she's fine, she just wants to sleep. BIL keeps pushing the point and she finally admits that she thinks she may have taken to many pills, but she just did it because she wants to sleep. BIL starts arguing with her that they need to go to the hospital. In the midst of all of this, in come the EMT's, police and 2 of Lou Lou's girlfriends that she called. So the ambulance takes Lou Lou to the hospital and BIL stays with the 2 little girls at home, and waits for the 3rd girl to come home from school. He calls in sick to work, asks the friend/roommate to watch the 2 older girls and him and baby Kay head to the hospital. That's when BIL calls Ann to come get the baby because he thinks he can handle the situation if he does not have to deal with the baby, just Lou Lou and the 2 older girls. So Ann picks up the baby and calls around to enlist help to care for the baby for a few weeks so she can continue to work and not lose her job.
Why in the hell would a mother attempt suicide the day before her child's birthday??? Does she not realize the traumatic effect this could have on this child for her entire life? If you are killing yourself, you don't pick up the phone and start calling people. And if it was an accident, why not go out into the living room and get your husband's help?
The baby is safe with Ann and Lou Lou has been moved to another hospital in the mental health ward. BIL says she is very sad and sorry, she does not know why she kept taking pills, she didn't realize she had taken so many. Really, because just yesterday she stated several times she kept taking pills until they made her sleep and she just wanted to sleep. She must have realized she did something, because she had the state of mind to stay hidden in the bedroom to make calls to friends to upset them, but not let her husband catch on to what was happening.
She is a manipulative, conniving, I need all the attention worthless woman.
I am sorry, I have tried to like her and empathize, but she is a selfish, self centered sorry excuse for a wife and mom.
-

What are you waiting for?

2006-04-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I have not posted in a week!! Between MM being out, being closed, MM out again and me taking off a day, I have really neglected this blog!!
On Monday BN came to me and told me her part time employer offered her a full time job. Her step-mom got her the job and allegedly the company is wanting to replace the veteran (her step-mom) with BN. How uncomfortable would family gatherings be if she took her step-mom's full time job. BN said that she mastered that job in 3 days. Really, cause that is what you said when you took this job. Here we are almost 6 months later and the only thing you have mastered is fucking up, marathon personal phone calls and dressing in clothes 3 sizes to small. I really doubt you are a star employee at the car dealership. It was all I could do not to laugh and ask, "Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Take the job." But I just smiled and said that was nice they valued her so much, then I went to the ladies room and hurled.
Life must be grand when you are a dillusional fucktard.

Glad this week is over

2006-04-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

I went home early yesterday, sinus infection. What joy! MM is out today and Monday, so I am extra busy. BN is extra dumb. She argued with me all morning, and I feel like shit, so I finally just told her; look I don't care what you do. If it's wrong, someone in the home office will call you. After 5 or 6 calls, they'll get tired of it and then they will be rude to you or they will complain to our boss. I have already let everyone know that I have given BN all the information and tools to do this job accurately and efficiently. I don't care anymore and I don't want to argue. Fuck it. I know I am mean, you don't have to tell me. I really don't know what else to do with this girl. I have explained everything to her atleast 5 times, if not many many more. I have asked her to take notes, I have made notes for her. I am so freakin frustrated, thank god today is my Friday. I think tomorrow I might have just punched her ass out, and I really can't afford to be unemployed.

On a funnier note, BN and her man are still fighting. He found out that she has been going over to her ex-boyfriends and partying. He is really pissed. I say, look on the bright side BN, atleast h e didn't find out you are still fucking him, imagine how mad he'd be then!

Hope all my favorite blogger friends have a wonderful Easter weekend!!

At a loss

2006-04-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well it is another typical week. BN is still screwing up everything she touches. Cletus is as dumb as ever. He has spent a good hour this morning printing off cheat sheets for some X-box game. I glanced over them on the printer, something about a groundhog and diggin' up flowers, even his games are red neck and immature. He got all flustered when he saw me looking at them..."uh, uh, I just thought I'd get some help with this game that has been kicking my ass. So I used my break time to look at this." Uh dude, I don't give a shit, I'm not your boss, I don't care what you are wasting your time doing. Besides, you have been running back to this printer for an hour now, that's one long damn break!!

Speaking of Cletus, you should hear him tell about his wife's operation. He makes it sound like she cut it really close and was lucky to pull through. Hello asshole, it was a boo job, not a triple bypass. Ofcourse he has never told any of us what she had done, so he just goes on with the "she's lucky to be alive" version. Poor bastard.

2006-04-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

BN has been bitching about her hubby all day. They are fighting because they have separate checking accounts and he has once again wasted all his money on stupid shit and she won't loan him any money. He told her that he was going to go and find a new woman who would be nice and take care of him. This really pissed off BN, she informed him that he could not do better than her and she was the one that had to be talked into talking to him, and that their 1st date was a pity date. Wow - that was a low blow. I have never met Mr. BN, but a pity date from BN, that's pretty sad. She told him good luck finding someone that would put up with him spending freely, and (this is great) him getting so drunk he pees the bed!!! And to think, all this time I just thought she was jaundiced!

Somethings you should just never tell people about your spouse.

Are you still sick?

2006-04-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

BN informed me yesterday that she was up all Monday night sicker than a dog. Well, honey, you didn't have to tell me, you look like shit. So today we are still looking like walking death. What the hell? I don't know why it bothers me that she doesn't wear make-up. I just feel like we were duped. She interviewed with nice hair and make up. Now that she has the job, I feel like a husband wondering what the hell happened. You used to take care of yourself. Maybe that's mean, but you are our receptionist. People see you first - that's scary. I mean throw on some mascara, lip gloss something. I wouldn't feel like a victim of bait and switch if she hadn't started out in full war paint. And when I say no make-up, I mean none. No concealer, no foundation, not even a light dusting of powder. NOTHING
This morning on the way to work she was styling her hair and dropped a huge glob of mousse onto her shirt. Looks like a spooge stain right up between the boobs, which are suprisingly covered today. Styling our hair while we drive, well that explains a few things.
I know, I am a mean bitch, and I am going to hell.

Do you hear what you are saying?

2006-04-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

Friday MM and I are discussing the way some young girls dress. MM is asking me if I would let my 16 yr old wear some pants or shorts that said "Juicy" across the butt. No, I don't think, she has never asked for anything that spelled stuff across her ass. BN pipes in that she can't believe all the tight, short stuff girls wear. They look like sluts, and their clothes don't fit, and didn't they look in the mirror. She just keeps on going. I look at MM and he is looking at me and we are both just sitting there, jaws on the floor, wondering if she hears the double standard words that are spewing from her mouth. I think her too tight jeans, and her 2 sizes to small shirt must have been cutting off the oxygen from her brain!!

Enough about them, let's talk about me....

2006-03-31T11:39:00.000-08:00

I have been really wondering lately if I am a good person, a nice person. I noticed that I complain a lot. Not so much to co-workers, well minus MM, but to my husband, sister, mom, MIL, etc. So I am trying to not be a negative little whiny ass. Let me tell you it is hard. I used to not be this way. I am also very mean. I don't know why. I used to not be this way either. It damn near kills me to be nice or say something nice, unless my kids are involved. I still like having a good time and laughing. I am always joking about something, sometimes at he wrong time, but if I can't laugh about shit, why bother getting out of bed? So things are not they way they once were. I'm working on it though. The biggest thing that has changed is my hair. I have always had hair issues. It is naturally curly, dark brown and used to be thick. It has started thinning. I have my father to thank for this. He looks ok bald, being an ex-army man, I am used to him with no hair. Me however, I want my hair.
So if you don't have thin or thinning hair, you are very lucky. You just can't go get a certain cut or style. You have to really think about what you do. Hopefully your stylist has dealt with this, either herself or other clients, and can offer help and guidance. No such luck last night when I went to get my hair cut. I go to JC Penney's Salon. Not a bad place, I usually have good luck. Well wouldn't you know all 3 girls I have used and trust are off. BUT they have someone available that can give me a trim. When they intercommed the stylist that she had a customer, I should have left. Her name was Minja, yes, like Ninja. I felt guilty, she is probably a good stylist. The last lady who cut my hair last time was middle eastern, I was worried, but she did a great job. We had a little trouble talking. But she was so nice and again, did a wonderful job.
Not Minja. She kept asking if she could cut off an inch and a half. I kept saying no, no. Well, she did it any way. I look retarded. My hair has never been so short, and I hate it. Usually when I have a bad hair day, I just sigh and say, oh well atleast I still have hair. Not today. I'd be better off if she would have scalped me!!!! My bangs are so short, I just pulled them down straight with the curling iron - and they are still 6 inches above my eyebrows!!! Lucky for her I am cutting back on my complaining and being mean. I just paid, thanked God the salon is right by the exit and ran.

Somedays you just have to shake your head......

2006-03-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

I was feeling really bad today, I have been neglecting my blog this week. Nothing exciting has happened. No new news on Lou Lou worth reporting. BN has done nothing dramatic or nasty. Just her usual stupid antics. I should always remember that good things come to those who wait. Well it's good things today baby!!

So today has been really pleasant, Cletus is gone. he is not here roaming the office, whistling like a fool or jingling through halls. (he has one of those attach to your belt loop, put your keys on a leash thing.) All he told anyone when he left is that his wife is having surgery today and he may or may not be back in the office tomorrow. Yeah - 2 Cletus free days, these are almost as good as a vacation day! Someone said, I hope his wife is ok and it is nothing serious. The other person, replied, Oh she's fine, she's just getting a boob job. WTF? Really? This is the same guy whose creditors call here daily. He is always having financial issues. He brings ramen noodles and tuna for lunch because he does not have the money to eat out at lunch, he carpools with his wife because he does not have the money to put gas into two cars. But he has the money to buy new boobs? Come to find out, he asked his mom for a loan, to help pay for them. We are struggling financially, I cannot afford to drive my car, I can't afford to spend more than 59 cents a day for lunch, but will you loan me a couple grand so the old lady can get some tits?

This is just fucking priceless. PWT and their priorities. Gotta love it!

2006-03-28T07:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday BN went to pick up lunch. She comes back pissed. She begins to tell our boss that the guy at the counter was making chit chat with her and as she was getting ready to leave when he asked her if this would be her 1st baby. She was so mad. She could not believe he asked her that. Really? Seriously now, really? Because I am wondering how you HAVEN'T been asked that before. Everything she wears is so tight it accentuates her big stomach and it is rounded like an expectant mother.
Something else that amazed me was that she kept telling people the story. Ofcourse she changed the story everytime she told it. She didn't even care that we were right there and kept pointing out the discrepancies. The only thing that didn't change is the funny man that asked if she was with child! I wouldn't tell anyone that. How incredibly embarrassing.

Shotgun Wedding

2006-03-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

Talking to my mother-in-law over the weekend, who by the way has the baby for a week again, I found out some new info about the wedding. Apparently Ms Deidre, the lady who set up the wedding and whose husband officiated, left the club house at 7:30 that night. The wedding was suppose to start at 7 p.m. Deidre went and found Lou Lou and told her she needed to come on to the building and get the ceremony going. How sad that someone had to go find her and make her come get married. That explains the preachers comment about Lou Lou waking up each day and telling herself that she loves BIL and that is who she wants to be with. Shouldn't you just wake up on your own and love the man you married and know you want to be with him. Well, obviously not every day, no one is perfect. but do you really have to talk yourself into it? I wish that nosy meddling bitch Deidre would have never gone after her. I think it would have been interesting to see how long we were all left sitting waiting on Lou Lou to show up. I think Deidre did my BIL a great injustice. I wonder if he could sue her ass later?

So this is an improvement.....

2006-03-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

BN did the funniest shit yesterday. She comes into my office 1st thing in the morning complaining about the shirt she is wearing. She said she spent the night with her husband last night and didn't have a lot of choice on what to wear, so she grabbed a shirt that she said she hasn't worn in about a year. She said "This shirt has shrank and gotten smaller or I have gotten bigger!" Well, I'm gonna go with the latter here. Then I start looking at the shirt. She wears this particular shirt a lot. The only reason I recognize it is because of the label above the pocket, "Cruel Girl". I always laugh to myself and think, yeah, cruel to those damn buttons that are about to pop off and take out an eye!! She then says at lunch she is going to go buy a shirt that covers her better and she won't feel like she is hanging out of it. So lunch rolls around and she leaves in a shirt that covers her arms, and the ever present cleavage. She has a white t-shirt on underneath that is covering her tramp stamp (new word a co-worker shared with me yesterday!) and her frontal roll. I don't think she has ever worn so much clothing into the office before. She returns with a smaller shirt! I thought we were going for something that covered and wouldn't let you hang out. The new shirt is so low cut, not a "V" cut either, a big wide cut. So instead of the usual cleavage, we have full view of all the breast, minus the nipplies. And little thin sleeves that are about 1 1/2" wide, and the shirt touches no part of our pants . So we are really hanging out of the new improved, better covering shirt. Is she kidding me with this?

One day a friend asked me if I thought it took her a lot of time and shopping to find clothes that are too small. Well I now have an answer, apparently not. It can be accomplished in a lunch hour!

Now presenting Mr. and Mrs. Crazy.......

2006-03-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

So the actual wedding ceremony is now over. The preacher's wife, Ms. Diedre had found a poem she wanted to read, but said she would wait until right before the bride and groom had their first dance. Her husband, say no, no, you will read it now. He then announces to everyone that we need to be quiet, come back to our seats and listen to his wife read a poem. What? This is just to gay for me. So we sit through this lengthy poem, then the preacher presents the new couple to us and advises them to walk to the back of the room near the cake and then come back up to the front for pictures. Pretty simple instructions right? The high ass bride disappears!! So people just start wandering around talking, kids are running around tearing shit up. The bridesmaid son went around to all 6 tables and took the disposable cameras. He starts running around taking pictures of his shoes, his hand, the chairs, plants, just random bull shit. I do nothing to stop him, this is fucking great. No organization, no supervision. I realize Anne is now missing, Ms. Deidre came and got her and took her to a back room to talk to her. I assumed this was Lou Lou's doing and she was back there to. Well I head to the ladies room just to find it is still occupied and locked. I have been waiting since before the ceremony, so I bang on the door and yell "Are you still in there, other people need to use the restroom, too!" The door opens and it is the bride and her mom. Her mom leaves, and Lou Lou says, you can come in. I said no thanks I'll wait and come back. She say no, no, come on in. I think cool, she'll exit, I'll enter, bladder happy. One problem, she would not leave. She asked if she could stay in there with me, she really needed to talk to me, I was the only one who understood what she was going through. No, actually I don't understand. 1 I am not crazy and 2 Anne likes me. 3 I don't need a damned audience to take a piss! I say nicely that I really want to be alone in the bathroom, and we can talk later. She smiles and says, I really don't mind, besides I have spray so it won't bother me. It finally hit me what she meant. So I just blurted out, "I don't have to take a shit stupid, I just don't need you in here to hold my hand while I piss." Well she wouldn't leave, she started talking and crying, she didn't understand why Anne hates her and ruined her wedding day, blah, blah, fucking blah. I finally said I can't take this anymore, turn around and face the wall so I can pee already. I bet I was trapped in that damn restroom for 20 minutes.

I finally escape and people have started taking pictures, so I get my camera and start taking some shots. I don't know when she finally came out of the bathroom, but they cut the cake and danced and we decided ok we can leave. Lou Lou comes over and asks to see the pictures I have taken, so we are scrolling through them and she stops on one. It is of me, Anne and my mom. She points at my mom and says, "Who is this woman, I have seen her here all night and don't know why the hell she is here!" Somebody hold me back. 1st off Lou Lou has been to the last 4 Christmas' at my house, my mom was there. She has come to 2 Thanksgiving's in my home, my mom was there. She has met my mom atleast a hundred times, not to mention Lou Lou mailed her an invitation. I said, "That's my mom dumbass!" She then asked me to ask my mom to babysit the boys so my husband and I could go have drinks with them after the reception. I said no thanks, we all rode together and I am ready to go home. She then said, well you and your hubby can just stay with us. Really? You mean it? On your wedding night? You wack job, crazy bitch. It's bad enough you peed with me, but I am damn sure not spending your wedding night with you, you fucking freak!! It was all I could do not to tell my mom to get her damn gift and run for it!?! The girl is an idiot!!

I forgot to mention two funny things yesterday about the ceremony. Lou Lou had a little niece come with her mom to the wedding. The niece was the flower girl, very cute little girl. She snorted though. Just out of the blue about every 30 seconds for no reason. So that was pretty funny during the ceremony. Cell phone ringing, baby burping, flower girl snorting. Loud snorts, too - it was great.
2nd was the bridesmaid son. He is a very, very, very active little boy. You can take about 30 minutes with him and then you need a drink. His mom looked over at him during the ceremony and smiled at him. He lifted his hand up and flipped her off! I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.

It really will be hard to top this wedding.

Hell Day

2006-03-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

Get comfortable, grab a snack and read on-

Well, the big day has come and gone. What a great freaking time I had! My mother-in-law, Anne and I both took off Friday to go help with the wedding. Nothing had been done so we were feeling a little sorry for Lou Lou and BIL. Well, my BIL calls Anne Friday morning about 10 am and said that Lou Lou felt like doing wedding stuff so her and Ms. Deidre were out running around and wouldn't be home all day. Well Anne had the baby and was fixing to leave to drive up to their house when he called. She would have just been stuck sitting outside of their apartment with the baby. Lou Lou came home long enough to unlock the apartment and leave again. Had not seen her daughter all week, did not hold her, lover on her - nothing! She stayed gone until after midnight Friday. Saturday morning she gets up and starts looking for a special bra she bought, can't find it and flips out. Anne said she was storming around the apartment screaming and crying and yelling at her mom. At one point she charged her mom like she was going to hit or push her, stopped herself and just threw the curling iron in her hand at her mom. Anne got upset and said"Let's not get all mad and fight. This is a happy day and there's no need to act this way." Lou Lou responds with "This is my day, I'm the bride, I'm allowed to be stressed and demanding!" To which my wonderful MIL said, "Now look here, this isn't just your day. There are a lot more people than just you involved in this wedding. You are acting like a little kid stomping around here throwing shit. I don't have to put up with this crap." Lou Lou frowned and started to say something, to which Anne replied, "You know what, I need to just pack my shit and take my ass home, fuck you and fuck this wedding!" Oh I love, love, love that woman!!! Lou Lou marched her ass straight to her bedroom and locked herself in until BIL came home. She demanded he get in the bedroom, they could hear her raising her voice, the door opened and she storms out. This was around 1 p.m. She left 8 people in that apartment with just Anne's little Corolla, Lou Lou took off in their SUV. Considerate bitch isn't she.

So we get over to the apartment at 6:30 to help transport people to the wedding. It was raining so hard. You couldn't park anywhere close to the building, so by the time we all got in there we were soaked, hair ruined, it was awful. Well, we sit around and sit around and sit around. I could tell my BIL was getting nervous. Finally, at 8:10, she pulls into the parking lot. They send my husband and BIL into a side room.

20 minutes later, she comes prancing in. It is now 8:30, the wedding was suppose to start at 7:00 p.m. She is barefooted and has one side of her dress hiked up over her hip. She goes into a back room and the wedding finally starts at 8:45! Lou Lou repeatedly asked Anne if she had any special request for this wedding. Anne said since BIL and Lou Lou were making this a family wedding, and Lou Lou's 2 daughters were walking down the aisle with her, she wanted them to include the new baby in the ceremony and asked that BIL carry her down the aisle. Then he could hand her off to Anne. Well the maid of honor brought the baby down the aisle. So Anne, who is already pissed, is now fuming.

Lou Lou's 2 daughter's had on different dresses. The older one had on a short pink dress with little spaghetti straps and a ruffled bottom, silver sandals with a sparkly butterfly. She looked cute, but not flower girlish, not a wedding appropriate dress. The middle daughter, a total brat from hell, was sporting a black eye and white floor length mini ball gown. glittery sandals. Both girls had a tiara and someone came over and did their make up and hair. Whoever she was she sucked. By the time the wedding started they looked like they had played outside in a windstorm all day. The bridesmaid had a pink dress that matched the oldest girls. It was way to tight and to short for her. They groom and my husband had been bought lavender ties. The bride finally comes out. She has no eye make-up on, no eye liner no mascara, just bright red lips. She had her makeup done so pail, she looked like something out of a bad vampire movie. She had a real tight dress with little thin straps so we could see all her tattoos. I don't have a problem with tats, they are just not for everyone. She should have skipped getting inked. They best part was that she was higher than a kite!! Everyone knew it. She was fucked up. She finally gets to the alter area and keeps turning around to smile and wave at everyone. She turns to look at Anne, and Anne just rolls her eyes at her!! It was great.

Half way through the service my cell phone rings - oops! I forgot I had it with me. I try to get it and turn it off, but we are all sitting on wicker pool side furniture that creaks each time you move or breathe, so it just kept getting worse. I finally locate the damn thing, turn it off, go to sit it by my side, forgetting the chair has a huge fucking hole on each side, and it drops to the floor and bounces out of reach. The place echoes too. Great! My husband is standing up there glaring at me!! Thank god for the little baby, she burped so loud, everyone laughed and forgot about my cell phone fiasco going on in the corner! I love kids!

The grooms candle in the unity set got snapped in half, which didn't matter since the preacher forgot to have them light the damn thing. He sucked. This had to have been his first wedding. he was awful. If I never have to listen to him talk again it will be to soon. He told my BIL in the sermon that it was his job to take care of this little girl, referring to Lou Lou - what? Little girl? More like crazy old bitch! Then he turns to Lou Lou and says, I know it hard and you and I have had many talks, but you have to wake up each day and tell yourself that you are going to love BIL and want to be with him. I'm sorry, WTF? Could you repeat that in my good ear?
It was a comedy of errors. I had several good laughs.

More funny shit happened, but my damn hand is about to fall off from all this typing. If you're still reading, thanks for hanging in there! I'll post the reception tomorrow!!

oh, Dod, my husband deleted all my titty pictures. He said I was sick and wrong. I even had a nice crotch shot for you. I did not realize I was married to such a no fucking fun prude!!!
So Sorry!

Paint the building...

2006-03-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

Years ago my middle sister said something so incredibly stupid that me and my younger sister still refer to it and laugh at it to this day. We were sitting around our parents house with some friends discussing people we did not like. We were being mean (suprising huh?) and talking about ways to get them to stop coming over to the house. My parents live in the country, way out, and their house was the only one for miles. So my middle sister comes up with the bright idea that we could just paint our house and they wouldn't know where we lived anymore. I don't know how she came to this brilliant conclusion, but she is not that bright.
So I am sitting here this afternoon, thinking of Cletus and BN. They are pretty dumb, I wonder if they would fall for it. Maybe if we paint the building they won't know were we are anymore and just quit coming to work. If life were only that simple...........

Speaking of painting, I think I am going to take Sherri's advice and just leave her mess. If she says anything, I'll just have to front her out. She came into my office earlier to ask me to answer the phone so she could run out to her car and get her tampons, then she laughed and said it's my week. I just stared at her and said, oh yeah, I know.
She didn't ask how, get embarrassed, apologize or anything.

She did tell me she applied for a job at a local car dealer. I was so excited, she'd be gone and I had nothing to do with it! Then she shattered my dreams, and said it was weekends only. She said she listed me as a reference. Why?

Which one.......

2006-03-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

I don't know who deserves my time and effort today. BN or Lou Lou. They are both so sad, and have really pissed me off today. I guess I'll just blog about both.....

1st, I really should not have to share a bathroom with BN. The girl is clueless and disgusting. I guarantee no one here knows when my Aunt Flo is in town, not even the big nasty bitch I share a bathroom with. I just don't understand how in the hell she gets blood everywhere. I think she must yank out that tampon and just swing it around wildly over her head. She still does not wash her hands. That is gagging me worse than the mess she leaves in the ladies room. This time of month really requires hand washing, you handle things several times a day that are just nasty, big and nasty in her case.

2nd Lou Lou has decided that she has to leave Friday night so BIL does not see her Saturday before the wedding. She is not planning on taking any of the kids with her. I think the normal superstitions and customs can be ignored for this tragedy they are calling a wedding. She has modeled the dress for BIL several times, she is not a virgin, they have resided together for 4 years and have a baby together. I think it is pretty safe for her to stay home and help out with the kids and the last minute wedding details. As of today she still has not ordered either cake, rented the room they are staying in after the ceremony, gotten the groom's tie, gotten any decorations, ordered the fruit, vegetable and cheese trays. My mother-in-law, Anne is going to their apartment Friday to help out poor old BIL, I took Friday off to go help her. She is going to be so run down from trying to pull all this together. The least I can do is go harass and terrorize Lou Lou and maybe get Anne drunk. I wonder if I could de-brainwash BIL in a day? Talk him out of this craziness?

Don't worry Dod, I am sure I can get some tit shots of someone for you........maybe even the bride!?!

The countdown in on....

2006-03-14T10:49:00.000-08:00

Well the wedding is 4 days away and my husband said I cannot wear black. I don't see what the problem is. My hubby is in the wedding, so last night we had to go buy him a new shirt and a tie. I think it is ridiculous for the guys to each buy their own tie. No one is going to match, but what do I care? I may not have got permission to wear black, but I got the green light on getting drunk!!! I don't drink that often, so I am really going to have to pace myself. 2 drinks and I could be passed out before it even begins. I definitely want to have my wits about me to see if the bride is limping or hobbling due to her vaginal wound.

BN has done nothing exciting so far this week. Yesterday she came in here to show me where the tanning bed burned her. Just lifted up the shirt, and let it all fall out. I did not notice the sunburn, I was to busy reading the writing imprinted from her pants button on her belly. I am talking every stitch, button, pant loop, the zipper even!! Not just a little mark, total embedment. That was way more than I needed to see.

Today her ass is eating her slacks. I don't mean a slight wedgie, I mean complete devourment.

That is my Lou Lou wedding and BN report for today. Hope tomorrow yields more excitement and drama!

More on the future sister-in-law

2006-03-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

I probably shouldn't share this story, but it is just to funny, and she told everyone about it, so now I am telling you guys.....oh and it's a little lengthy.

A couple of weeks ago my mother-in-law drove down here and picked up my little niece. Crazy, we'll call her Lou Lou, said "I don't want to sound mean, or like I don't love the baby, but you can keep her as long as you want." My mother-in-law, said, "I don't know how long I can keep her, I have to work all next week and I don't know who could watch the baby while I am working." Work means nothing to Lou Lou, her life is one big fucking weekend. Well as it goes, my mother-in-law, Anne, figured out a way to keep the baby from that Thursday to the following Friday. She was coming back to our area for my daughter's sweet 16 party.
Well, Lou Lou has my bro-in-law call Anne and ask her if she can just keep the baby until Saturday afternoon when he gets off work and then he'll drive over to our house and then pick her up. Anne got frustrated and said no, no, I have plans and I need to bring her to you Friday. Well it was then explained to Anne that last Friday, the day after she picked up the baby, Lou Lou had to drive herself to the emergency room. She was in a lot of pain and could not stand, or sit, or hardly walk. Lou Lou had a ingrown hair on her pubic area. They had to give her 3 shots, lance it, drain it twice, and then pack it with gauze. OK ladies, I know we all have had our unfortunate share of ingrown hairs, but damn, how long do you neglect it for it to be in this state? Packed with gauze, how fucking big is this hole?
Poor Lou Lou cannot drive home from the ER, so my bro-in-law has to leave work and go get her. She cannot barely get out of bed and is laid up all weekend. (shocker) Monday she goes to her doctor and they drain it again, re-pack it and give her some pain pills. She is still just unable to function. So Wednesday she goes to her OB and has her look at it, drain it, give her some meds and re-pack it with gauze. That is when she decides Thursday that the baby can't come home because she will be incapable of taking care of her. Lou Lou has 2 other girls, one in school and one who is home all day. I don't know who took care of them while she was going back and forth to the doctors, ER's and pharmacies, and unable to get out of bed. This girl is a piece of work.
1st off I would never tell my husband/fiance/boyfriend/significant other that I had anything wrong with my crotch. Much less let 3 different sets of doctors drain it and pack that bitch with gauze! Apparently she let my b-i-l see it and he said it looked awful and left a hug hole. EEEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd I would not tell everybody that I know about my gaping crater in my crotch area.

Maybe she'll show it to us at the wedding?!?

Inappropriate Wedding Gift?

2006-03-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

My brother-in-law has decided to marry the crazy ass bitch. He has been dating this girl off and on for 7-8 years now. They have a baby together, not quite 1 yr old yet, and have lived together for 4 years. Crazy has walked in and out of his life at her leisure. The last time she left was in the middle of the night while he was at work. No notice, no note, nothing. She has a little girl that he has always adored and was an instant daddy. This girl never appreciated that. So the last time she left in the middle of the night with her then young daughter, we just knew they were finally through. Well, the bitch came back, married with a new daughter. She divorced the 2nd baby's daddy and is leeched onto my brother-in-law. We all kept hoping he was biding his time and was going to take his baby and leave. Yeah people, 3 kids, 3 dads. She is a winner. Anyway, she never left, she planted her ass and just stayed. She has done nothing these last 4 years, and I mean nothing. She is always sick, she can't work, cook or clean. She has more pharmeceuticals than the local CVS. We were all less than thrilled when she called and informed us that God was telling her she needed to get married. That is what is missing in her life, and God was telling her this marriage is what she needed to get better and get her life on track. I don't want to offend anyone, but the girl is nuts. Isn't that what all the crazies said before they did something drastic and homicidal? God told them...... If God is talking to her, he needs to tell her to put down the pills, get her lazy ass out of bed, shower and get a job!!!
OK, back to the gift. So they have lived together for 4 years, this is marriage #2 for both of them. Yet she has the nerve to register for gifts and include on the bottom of the invitation where they are registered. My brother-in-law is less than happy. He says they don't need anything, she sees it differently. 7 pages of crap later I have printed her wish list. Outrageous stuff, too. One page full of furniture. She has no clue. She has no idea how to cook, but has 2 pages of kitchen items. The only useful thing on there, was the 2 comforters for their room, she is always laid up in the bed, so that was practical! So I suggested that we buy my brother-in-law a gift certificate to a divorce lawyer. Is that inappropriate?

What's with the spot?

2006-03-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

So I come back to work today after be home with a sick child for 2 days and BN has a huge yellow spot on her forehead. It is right on her hairline. It looks like someone took a bingo dauber and jabbed her in the head. I think she has had highlights put in and judging from her scalp faux pas, I'd say it was a home job. Does she not have a mirror? Some concealer, something? So now I am distracted from the goop leaking out of her eyes to her scratch-n-sniff Clairol error.
Then earlier we are both called in to MM's office. She plops down in the chair, it bows and groans a little and then plants her legs wide as open. Hello, trashy, you have on a short skirt. Close those legs please, the flies are distracting the meeting. I think MM may be blind now.

I am not the object of desire any longer.....

2006-03-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

Well MM is back, and BN is not spending near as much time in here talking my ear off. She never brought me donuts, but she did buy my lunch one day. Don't worry, I was very careful. I only agreed to a place that packages your order in sealed containers and then staples the bag closed. No chance for tampering. But she has gone back to wooing the MM.
BN has quit wearing her wedding ring, and apparently everytime she goes to pick up lunch, guys hit on her. I don't think she can distinguish between flirting and "May I take your order?". Offering to biggie size that is not a sexual advance, just an obvious conclusion.
So she said her husband is willing to go to AA to get her back. I'm thinking he needs to keep drinking to remain in this marriage. Apparently he spends $250-$300 a month just at the beer barn. Yes people, we have beer barns in Texas. Just pull in, place your order, they load it, you pay, and away you go. No wonder they can't afford to live independently, he has to stay shit faced just to live with the decision to marry her. Poor bastard.

I think I need a drink now........

Craziness

2006-03-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

In the last couple of days, BN has said and done some things to surprise me. Nothing in her personal life suprises me. But this is work related. I think the dumb broad has lost her frickin mind. Yesterday she told Cletus that he could fax his own shit, faxing isn't hard and he needed to do it himself. That was sorta funny, I don't like Cletus, he is a lazy idiot that pawns off as much work as he can onto others. Today the phone is ringing, she looks at caller ID, sees that it is my husband, and then yells down the hall that the phone is for me and I need to answer it.
Bitch you done lost your fucking mind. She needs to recognize that she is the secretary/receptionist and she needs to answer all the incoming calls, and handle the faxing, even if it is for dumb fuck Cletus Earl! So that is my gripe about BN today. That and her hair is totally jacked up today. It is sticking straight up in a couple places, kinda like Kramer on Seinfield........I'm a mean bitch somedays.

I guess it's official

2006-02-27T13:52:00.000-08:00

MM is still out of town, so BN just has me to talk to. So she informed me that she is not pregnant - thank goodness! And now that she knows she is not pregnant, she is no longer wearing the wedding band and the marriage is over. She previously would only admit this to MM, I just assumed it was because she was trying to get some sympathy ass from him. So it is either officially over , OR she has decided she will never be able to seduce MM and has moved on to me! EEEK!
The real test will be if she brings me donuts in the morning............

A Normal Friday

2006-02-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

So Madman is out of town, which usually means our office is pretty quiet. However our manager has been in a really good mood. Usually he is stressed out by MM's high maintenance customers. So today has been really nice. BN did not do anything outrageous. My mother and my youngest son came up to the office for lunch and BN did not say anything stupid or embarrassing once! I was almost proud! Cletus called in sick this morning. I don't know if it is because of the Clorox bowl cleaner in his coffee, or because he got in trouble yesterday. He has developed a habit of missing workwhen he gets in trouble with MM or our manager. What a girl. I hope it is the toilet cleaner myself.
I can't end the week without something gross about BN, so here is something I see Mon-Fri. The girl has eye boogers. What the hell is wrong with you that you don't realize you have big ass, goopy, slimy eye boogers. All the time. Sometimes just sitting on top of the tear duct, sometimes the have leaked a little bit underneath her eye, but yet are still attached to the tear duct. It is gross. I would tell her, but I don't like her, so I let her walk around with goop oozing down her face.
Enjoy your weekend!!

Introducing Cletus........

2006-02-23T11:55:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not we have the perfect mate for BN employed here. He is just as honest as she is and just a bright. I call him Cletus because he is a backwoods redneck hillbilly. What always amazes me about Cletus is that he doesn't even know he should be embarrassed or what he is doing is wrong. Take for instance yesterday........
Our manager asked me to order a coffee pot for our breakroom a few months ago. He has been very happy since we got it. He gets fresh coffee each morning when he comes to work. It seems to have been a hit with other employees too.
Well yesterday he mentions that he needs to take the coffee pot home and really clean it out, the glass was getting that coffee tint. Cletus overheard him, uh-oh! So later he mentions again that he needs to take the pot home and clean it out. Well, Cletus pipes up, I already cleaned the pot. So our Manager asks, really? How? We don't have any kind of dish cleaner here. So Cletus replies, smiling and proud, well I looked for a cleaner with bleach in it and used some toilet cleaner. I thought my manager was going to fall out of his chair. He asked why would you do that? Why would you clean a dish with toilet cleaner? Cletus said because it had bleach in it, and it took the stains right off.
People, I'm talking Clorox bowl cleaner with the angled spout so you can put it right up under the rim. Remember now my daughter cleans the office and I help her, so I know for a fact that cleaner has been along the entire perimeter of each toilet in the company atleast twice!!
He offered to bring our manager the pot and show him and let him smell it. Our manager politely declined. I could not resist the urge, so I walked down the hall to his office and said, "Well, atleast the coffee won't taste like shit tomorrow!" My poor manager said he is going to have to give up his coffee.
A pot was made this morning, the story had circulated, and only Cletus drank 2 big cups. It's always amazing how 1 person can ruin it for everyone else.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....

2006-02-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

BN is having a hell of a day. Nothing she touches is coming out right. I finally asked her if she was having a bad day because she has had many, many, many more errors than normal. 50% work fuck-up, normal. 97%, I just had to ask. She said rather rudely, "Yes I am!" Well piss on you honey. You better check your personal problems at the damn door. She came back in my office about 30 minutes later to explain her nerves are on edge because she thinks she is pregnant!!!!!!!!!!! She just signed her insurance forms last week and barely made probation. Not to mention she told MM several times that they are divorcing and she doesn't love him anymore. Now 3 days later you want to drop the bomb that you are pregnant!?! WTF? This ought to be comical to say the least. I can't imagine BN pregnant and swelling. Her and Mr. BN are still living at home with their own parents, but they are ready to have a baby?? My head hurts to much to continue typing. I need to go have a drink, maybe a double.

What did we miss?

2006-02-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

We decided to go out to lunch today, MM, our manager and me. When we return BN has to leave to pick up her lunch. So I go into our restroom, yes, I am still bravely using it. Anyway, I go in there and I just had to wonder what we missed. You know how the sink looks in the morning after your husband has trimmed up his mustache and beard? There are little hairs everywhere and you wonder why in the hell can't he rinse this shit away!?! Well, there were little hairs all over our toilet seat. I don't mean just a few strays, I mean covered, lots of little hairs. Every afternoon BN goes into our bathroom and takes a whore bath in some awful smelling body spray, we laugh and say she is getting freshened up for a date. Now I guess she has moved on to more intimate personal grooming on the job. I mean, really, what could that have been? And how in the hell don't you notice that you have once again left something all over the toilet seat? I asked all the guys if they had gone in our bathroom, they all looked at me like I was nuts, but I had to rule out men shaving in there right? So I guess that leaves beaver trimming while we were gone at lunch. I guess I should send out a memo addressing the etiquette of policing and grooming your bikini area at work.

Phone Wars

2006-02-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know where to begin today's post. I thought BN could do nothing else to shock me. I know we all get mad at our spouses, and sometimes we feel we have no option but to just hang up. Well BN and Mr. BN have taken immaturity on the phone to an all new low. Believe me people, I know all about phone stupidity, I have a teenaged daughter. BN puts the teenagers to shame......

They are fighting again this afternoon - I know, shocker. He calls, says something rude, and then hangs ups. She immediately calls back, returns the favor and hangs up. This lasts about 15 minutes. I am not sure how many times the phone rang, but I wanted to just pick it up and scream at one point. Then we move on to our phone ringing here and BN just picking it up and slamming it down. It's a good thing we have caller ID, I'm pretty sure a customer never got hung up on. This goes on for about 10-15 minutes. Again not sure of how many times the phone actually rang, I still hear it ringing.........Then Mr. BN moves to calling the cell phone. It is in BN's desk drawer, on vibrate. That was almost as annoying as the past 30 minutes of our phone ringing. Yes, we are at work and Yes this was during business hours. The only thing she had going her way is that our boss was at lunch. I wish he'd have been here. He is great at yelling out from his office his displeasure in office antics.....I can only imagine what he'd have said - "What the fuck!" Maybe not, but I was thinking it.

These two are suppose to be adults. She then comes and asks me if I will talk to him. Um, no, he is not my fucktard of a husband. I am not his mother, and why are we even having this discussion? I cannot imagine going to any of my bosses and asking them to tell my husband he is not allowed to call me at work since he is an immature moron. Then she wants to know if she can have his number blocked. Um, again, I am going to have to go with no. That costs money, we have multiple incoming lines, he has multiple # he can call us on. I tell her she can help the situation by not calling him back each time and calling him names or hanging up on him. I feel like I am sitting down with my 2 youngest children and explaining to them that using the phone is a privilege and only for adults........

Just curious what you guys would have done.......

I am tempted to call his mommy and tattle on him though!!! :)

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire......

2006-02-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well BN is back to normal. I have never met anyone, who is not a small child or a teenager that just got caught breaking curfew when they were drunk, who lies as much as BN. She doesn't care who she lies to. Husband, mom, bosses.....no one is off limits. Yesterday she looked our branch manager right in the eye and lied her ass off to him. The scary thing is she never faltered or blinked. Our boss is a real nice guy, and he offered her an out, "Maybe you misunderstood something I said, or..." He never really got to finish, the only other thing she does more than lie is interrupt you.

She is a regular pro-fucking-fessional lying ass whore. I can't believe I felt guilty last week for being so mean!! I normally wouldn't care so much about what she is lying about or who she is lying to, but it involved me. She told me something our boss allegedly said last week, and then when he asked her about it, she completely denied it. I can hear her in the next office spouting out falsities. I have decided that every time she lies, no matter how small, I am going to expose her and start calling her on every lie. I'll be pretty busy all day, she lies as often as she inhales, but I'll find a way to manage my work load and my new office mission!

Playing the fool

2006-02-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile because I felt guilty about being mean to BN. She was trying so hard to do a good job and be nice to me, and I fell for it. Well now that she has filled out her insurance forms, she knows the job is a lock. She informed me at lunch a few days ago that she knows the job is hers and she is not going anywhere. If we wanted to fire her, we would have already done it by now. So she has slipped back into messing up almost everything she attempts and having more personal calls than we get business calls. We have already logged 7 this morning, and we haven't been here 2 1/2 hours yet. She is mad at the hubby for doing absolutely nothing for her for Valentines and apparently the boyfriend skipped her, too. She allegedly spent about $200 on hubby and then last night at dinner he had no money to pay. They are so made for each other and just don't even realize it yet!!! She tells me they are going to stay together and work it out, she then goes to the next office over, just seconds later and informs MM they are divorcing. Hello - fucktard, I can hear you! Watch out MM, she wants in your pants!!

Thanks to one of MM's fans for introducing me to the word fucktard - it is a great word, that I would be lost without. I cannot remember who turned us on to it - but thanks a million anyway!

Why Daddy went to prison last time

2006-02-06T10:53:00.000-08:00

Lunch with BN is never, ever dull. She is so willing to over share on everything. Her (step) brother-in-law is getting out of prison this week and everyone in the family is so excited. Her step-dad however is not to happy, and going to pick him up so he can give him an ultimatum to clean up his act or get out of his daughter's life. BN said "I don't understand why he is so upset, his son-in-law only got caught with 10 pounds of cocaine. Last time my daddy went to prison he was busted with over 20 pounds of the stuff." She was so proud when she stated this fact. The poor girl doesn't even realize she should be embarrassed by these things!

Don't ever call in sick, especially if MM is your boss!

2006-02-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

See what happens when I call in sick click here -

This is why I am not nice to people.....

2006-02-01T07:02:00.000-08:00

After listening to BN's menstruation situation and suffering through her child bearing plans, she apparently thinks we have bounded. I have a new best friend. All afternoon she came in and out of my office over sharing with me. Telling me little stories, things she thought was funny. Punishing me with her wisdom and deep insight....."My momma's crazy if she thinks she can bribe me into leaving my man. I have been with him 5 years, and I aint giving him up so some other bitch can come along and just benefit from my training!" SO we have you to thank for molding Mr. BN into the wonderful contribution to society that he is.
Quitting time could not roll around fast enough yesterday. I cannot remember that last time I ran from the office screaming.

Am I having De' Ja Vue?

2006-01-31T11:25:00.000-08:00

Madman is out drumming up business for again today, so it was just me and BN at lunch. She is the most entertaining person. Her whole life is an open book, she doesn't care who knows what about her life, no matter how personal. She informed me at lunch, yes I was eating, that her doctors have her regulated now and she is going to get pregnant and have a baby within a year. My chicken had Buffalo sauce on it and she wants to discuss her menstruation...........Great new diet technique. It wasn't her discussing her pregnancy that was ringing a familiar bell, it was this statement....."I can't wait until I have a baby shower. It is going to be so cute and so much fun. We are going to have Jell-O shots and blah, blah". She lost me after the Jell-O shots thing. This is exactly what caused the fiasco Jerry Springer disaster at DG's shower. Never, ever mix alcohol with a baby shower!

I didn't realize we were that close.....

2006-01-30T10:08:00.000-08:00

BN informs me this morning that she used me as a cover story this weekend. She wanted to go out without her husband, so she told him I needed her to come and babysit for me. Yeah, whatever. She said I just thought you should know incase you answer the phone and he asks you about it. 1st off, I shouldn't be answering the phone - that's your job. 2nd, anyone who calls for you hangs up if you don't answer - the chance of me speaking to Mr. BN is real slim. Why would she use me as a cover? We are not that close. I did not know what to say. I'm sure she wasn't out cheating, she probaly just fucked her ex-boyfriend, and you know that doesn't really count!

Is He Kidding?

2006-01-26T11:06:00.000-08:00

Has Madman gone Mad? Six years ago MM took me under his wing and told me I would eventually be moved into sales. I truly appreciate what he has done (I do, I do). I have worked hard and done everything asked of me. Others want this job, but I have earned the chance to make more money. Now Madman is asking me if I really want to go into sales because I might get my feelings hurt. How kind. However, I never remember MM asking any of the Sales Staff that own a penis if they were certain about wanting to get promoted.

Thank you Madman, but if I get hurt I will heal. I'm tired of my Toyota, I want the Mercedes.

BN Pictures - Finally - As promised

2006-01-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, here she is in one of her finer moments. The top is what we see daily, mid-drift with prison ink showing. The bottom one is a side shot. No shame, she doesn't even try to sit up straight and hold that stomach in - she knew pictures were being taken!

BN pictures coming to a computer near you.....

2006-01-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

Well, MM is back in the office so I should have alot more time to loaf and goof off. We had our annual quality party Friday, and on the false pretense of getting pictures to submit to the home office, I have BN pictures for you guys. Ofcourse I will crop them 1st so you cannot see her face, I don't want to get into any trouble here. But I did get a partial shot of the tatoo, clevage and a neck down big rolling shot. I forgot my camera today, so I will post them tomorrow. Plus MM is swamped with work and does not have time to assist me on this project. So tomorrow is the big day......stay tuned.

No time to play when MM is away

2006-01-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

MM has been traveling all week and I have been so busy!! I did not realize how much he actually does! I just thought it was all talk and BS. So sorry MM. I have gotten on to blog about BN twice and never finished, so here we go - 3rd time's a charm.

1st things 1st - I don't know what it is about this girl and her lack of bathroom etiquette. I really don't like working with someone who does not wash their hands after using the restroom - especially nasty girls. It is one thing when you see them out in public at the mall or in a restaurant, but to have to work with a nasty girl is another thing entirely. On Monday afternoon I go into our bathroom and go to throw away my paper towel - and mine is the only one in there! My daughter cleans the offices every Sunday and I helped here empty all the trash, so we started the day with an empty trash can and clean bag. I know she used the bathroom several times, everytime I needed in there she had her fat ass parked in there. But yet there is only my paper towel and the clean trash bag my daughter left in there Sunday night. I really hate that she touches all our paperwork. I feel so dirty after she comes to my desk.......

The Big Nasty is a Vacumn Cleaner

2006-01-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

BN buys Madman Breakfast. She makes our manager coffee. She brings them both candy. However she can't do any part of her job without fucking it up. I guess she was taught that 10 minutes of kissing ass is better than doing a hard days work. I fully ecxpect her to offer her dick sucking services any day now. I hope MM and his boss do not fall for this bullshit. She is a complete fuck up and suck up.

Madman http://play-that-song-again-once-more.blogspot.com/ is out of town. But please join his Beauty Contest! I don't want to be the only one.

Why BN and Mr. BN got kicked out

2006-01-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

We were all fortunate enough yesterday to be informed from BN on why her in-laws gave her and her hubbie the boot. The mother-in-law has been upset since the wedding was announced, she is not a BN fan, maybe her and I should start a club. So you can only imagine how living with BN must have just fueled the shit out of that fire. I couldn't live with her, I can barely stand the 8 long and miserable hours I am forced to share with her. Neither BN or Mr. BN felt that they should have to help around the house, buy any groceries or help with any of the bills. So the mother-in-law decides she is going to go into Mr. BN's room and get some money for a bill. He is taking a nap, so she just gets his wallet and goes to get some money out. Well, wouldn't you know he wakes up, apparently his mom is a rookie. I can take money out of my husband's wallet while it's in his back pocket and he's asleep on his back! It's an acquired talent, anyway....Mr. BN begins yelling at his mom, cussing, calling her names, you know the whole Jerry Springer nine yards. The mom grabs a glass of ice water and throws it in his face. He then gets up, goes into the kitchen, gets a pitcher, fills it with water, goes through the house, finds his mom and dumps the whole pitcher on her head. Who the hell does that to their mother? Just cough of some money and stop being a free-loading, big nasty loving worthless sack of shit. So the parents got pissed and threw them out. That's when BN's parents said, you can come home, but your worthless husband can't move in here. Well, when Mr. BN's parents found out she could move home without him, they let him back in. So both parents are now happy and have their children back at home. So these kids have learned a valuable lesson here - It's ok to free-load as long as you don't have any nasty, worthless baggage with you.

Big Nasty Logic

2006-01-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

We were discussing things our spouses don't like, when BN chimed in - "My husband hates my bestfriend." MM had to ask, "Why?" "Well, because he is an ex-boyfriend of mine from when I was 11 and 12 yrs old." MM says, "Well it's not like you ever slept with him, you're just good childhood friends." BN replies, "Oh yeah, I lost my virginity to him at 12." She sounded so proud. Then she goes onto to tell us that her and her husband are each living with their own parents. (His parents hate her, and hers hate him- shocker) They aren't seperated, but neither set of parents wants both of them living with them anymore. Apparently she went out to a well known local bar (meat market) and hooked up with her ex-boyfriend. Now here comes the big nasty logic - even though they fucked this past weekend, it is not cheating because she had already slept with him previously. If it would have been someone new, then that would have been cheating!
Is this a widely accepted policy? What kind of crazy logic is this?

WTF?

2006-01-10T06:51:00.000-08:00

OK, so one final post about the events prior to Christmas.
According to BN she is not cycling, however she is leaving proof all over the bathroom. Thursday just took the cake.

Before lunch I go into our bathroom and notice there is a wet spot on our carpet in front of the sink. I am actually a little relieved, up to this point I really doubted she ever washed her hands. As I am drying my hands, I begin to realize this "spot" looks reddish. This spot is not even remotely close to the toilet, what was she doing way over here? To this day we have a red stain on our bathroom carpet. Again, the girl has no shame. It's just me and her in that bathroom. I cannot believe she did not try to clean that up. So every day when I go in there I get to see BN's big nasty stain!!

I am so glad I took the week after Christmas off. I really needed those 11 long, luxurious days away from her. Unfortunately for MM that left him here alone with her.......you all saw on his posts how that went. The girl is hot for him.

The rest of the story.....

2006-01-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

OK, this is the other half of Friday's story. So she leaves at lunch to go to her step-dad's clinic for a sonogram/ultrasound. On Wednesday her husband calls in for her and says she is on dorviset (sp?) and cannot work. If you know MM, you know he works all the time on various meds, and dorviset is a low dose pain killer. So I'm thinking whaterver, get your sorry ass to work. Luckily I had called her and left a message the previous day and told her she HAD to have a doctors note since she was in her probation period and really should not even be missing work. Why didn't we go check all this out when we weren't working and had all the free time in the world!!
She comes in Thursday and says that she went to the ER (what happened to the clinic?) and they immediately admitted her and hooked her up to an IV. I want to go to that ER. I have never been immediately seen at any ER. I could limp in, leg dangling, eye missing and still have to sit for a few hours. So they admit her and the doctor comes in and says, I can tell that you have kidney stones. You have already passed the ones on the left, and now you need to pass the ones on the right. This is some awesome damn doctor, diagnosis just by looking at her!! See, this is why I could not be an expert x-ray vision doctor. My diagnosis would have gone something more like this: "You are obviously 7 months pregnant or you need to get gastric bypass. Unfortunately for you we don't do any liposuction or plastic surgery at this hospital. " Then he goes on to say that she also has endometriosis, and if her and her husband are going to have children they need to do it right away before they do a complete hysterectomy.
That's amazing that they could diagnos so much with so little. I couldn't keep up with her rambling when she came in Thursday, I think they dismissed her but wouldn't let her drive home so her husband came and got her. She said she needed to go back in right away, it has been 2 weeks now and no mention of another appointment or the hurry to reproduce. They also said she would pass the other stones on the left but it would be very painful.
Maybe it's true, or some of it, but they way she told it I just stood there thinking "what a fucking liar!"
So now she starts going on about when she finally came off everything yesterday evening, her and her husband had to discuss having kids right away. OK, wait a minute BN, just 2 weeks ago you said no kids, you didn't love him and he wasn't the one. Plus you live with his parents!! I'm thinking, maybe you get a place of your own and then reproduce. I just had to leave at that point. The girl is clueless.

Something to think about......

2006-01-08T16:17:00.000-08:00

Was wanting to slap the shit out of her a normal response? I'll let you guys be the judge.....

So Friday afternoon I was pointing out the usual f-ups that BN makes, and correcting her on what she is continually doing wrong. I try to be patient, friendly and helpful, but that is all over now. She had the nerve to throw her pencil down on her desk, heave up her shoulders and sigh real hard and loud AND then roll her eyes at me!!! My 1st thought was, bitch are you crazy? and then - Oh shit, I'm working with my teen-aged daughter here! It took all the restraint I had not to slap in her the face. I went to MM and asked him what would happen to me if I just knocked her ass out. He said they would have to fire me. I am so glad all I did was say "You better never, ever roll your eyes and sigh at me like that again. I'm not the one that screwed all this up!" Then I put my hands in my pocket and walked away saying if I wanted to work with a smart assed teen ager we would have hired my eye-rolling, smart assed teen ager. Walking away was very hard....I have never wanted to hit someone so badly in my entire life.

The Big Nasty is in the House!

2006-01-06T06:04:00.000-08:00

We have not employed BN for barely 2 months, and I already look forward to the day when I can write "The Big Nasty has left the building!"
Maybe I am crazy, but I have always felt that when you interview and 1st start a job, you put your best foot forward. I am always amazed at the stunts new hires pull. When you interview them the almost always reveal how depseratley they need this job. They never miss work unless they are on their death bed, and my favorite little white lie "I'm a fast learner." Uh-huh.

I really debated sharing this story, my mother always said bathroom humor is not funny. But sometimes, after the fact, it is a real belly laugh.....
Monday morning, the week before Christmas, BN comes into my office and feels the need to share with me the fact that she has not had a cycle in 5 months. (so that explains the surplus skin and junk hanging over your jeans - what a relief, I just thought you were a fat whore in denial of your true size!) She goes on to say she has scheduled an doctors appointment with her step-dad's clinic, he works in an imaging clininc and is going to get her an ultrasound. (great another disgusting pregnant bitch - just my luck) She then informs me she is not pregnant becuase she has taken mulitple pregnancy tests - and probaly pulled names in and out the "baby's daddy hat" several times these last months. BN says she'll need a day off to go have this test done. If your step-dad works at the clinic, go after hours. You are in a probationary period - is it that hard to come to work every day for 90 days??? I say ok, just let the managers know. Our head cheese was on his last day before his holiday vacation, so she really had to ok it with MM.
Never lie to the woman you share a bathroom with about your cycle. Like I mentioned previously, we are basically alone over here on the sales side, so it's just me and her in the Ladies room. I know if I didn't put something in there, it was her.
Not even an hour after hearing her sob story of why she needed an entire day off, I am using our restroom and go to throw out my paper towel, and there is a trashcan full of empty tampon wrappers and applicators. Some not discreetly put back in the wrapper - ICK ICK ICK!
So I go to MM and let him know basically, once again, she has lied to us.
Tuesday comes, more tampons in the trash. Then I get back from lunch and BN has called in from her lunch and says that the clinic had a opening and she had to go in right away and will not be back for the rest of the day. It's only 12:00 p.m., really, a 4 hour ultrasound. I know your mid section is big, but damn! Even if the scanned every crack, crevice and roll, 4 hours is a bit much!!
So I go into our restroom to find blood all over our toilet seat. Now ladies if you are going to lie about no period to miss work, cover your tracks a little better, or atleast wipe them off the seat!!!

2006-01-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

OK - 1st things 1st I guess. I knew the day I interviewed BN that she was WRONG for this office. Our new building has us isolated from everyone else and I was the only one on the sales side the afternoon she came in. She stayed for 45 minutes and over shared about everything in her life. When she finally left I knew more about her than I did about some of my closest friends. Her parting words that sealed her fate with me were, "Just from looking around at this office and what you are doing, I can tell this is easy and I could learn everything in 2 days!" I almost fell out of the receptionist chair. Was she kidding??? Besides, who comes to a job interview in a way to tight top that shows everything but nipple, and reveals the tattoo across her lower back ("Angel" - whatever). I have never seen prison ink tats, but that is what the guys in the warehouse call it, the prison ink tattoo on her lower back roll. I cannot believe we hired her!
She got to work for 3 days with our previous receptionist. Before Mikki left she came to me in complete amazement that DN was so willing to overshare so much with a complete stranger.
So up to this point we know that:
She lives with her in-laws because she and her husband got evicted.
Her in-laws have filed bankruptcy.
Her step dad and mother own a credit repair business because her dad stole her ssn # when she was 12 and ruined her credit.
She hasn't had kids because she does not think she really loves her husband and that he is "the one". (shouldn't you just be thankful that "one" person was dumb enough to take the plunge with you?

My Last and First Post about DG

2006-01-05T09:04:00.000-08:00

MM did not exagerate about DG. She was worse than he described. She quit this job to be a bartender at a hell-hole biker bar. She earns most of her tips in the men's room swallowing paste. She brags that she can tell how long it has been since a man has had sex by the taste of his jism. What a talent. I will answer any questions about her, but MM cannot.

Be careful what you wish for.....

2006-01-04T13:24:00.000-08:00

I used to think that I wanted to replace my secretary. So I was a little excited when she announced in October, she would be leaving us. The men in the office let me interview all candidates and make a decision on who we should hire. I was really excited then. After a week of talking to applicants, I narrowed down my selection to 2 women. I went to my manager and assistant manager with my choices. They had also gone through the applications and my notes and picked a finalist. I don't know why in the hell I interviewed anyone. My 2 candidates were immediately chucked out, and my assistant managers choice was given the heave-ho. Our boss picked the girl who looked the best on paper, never mind he hand gestured twice that we need to hire that girl (arms bent at the elbow in front of him, palms pointed in, you know - the big tit hand gesture) So we hired a pair of breasts for the opening. To bad her boobs can't do the work, they have to be smarter than her dumb ass is.